Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
