based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
