Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
