You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
