gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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