dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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