im six kinds of drunk right now
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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