Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
