I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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