yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
