i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
He kissed a someone with a penis
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
