Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
