i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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