dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
