she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
