Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
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