oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize