Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
