covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
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