watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
