who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
