She is in my trunk
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
