The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
