I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Bring me that man meat
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
