Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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