I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
