I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
