you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
