your thong is hanging out like whoa
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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