So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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