you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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