i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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