so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Randomize
