You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
