Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
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