I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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