Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Panties = found
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize