And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
