come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
