this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
