there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize