Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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