SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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