i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize