you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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