I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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