I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize