I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
