I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
