i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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