tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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