hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
