for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
