This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
