i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
