It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
