make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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