The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
