She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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