he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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