she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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