As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I touched a dick in church today
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
