dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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