he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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