She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
