She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
