ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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