...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
