Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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