watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
