So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
