Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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