if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I had to cum in my sink.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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