Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I think I am morally bankrupt
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Randomize
