Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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