I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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