you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
