1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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