i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
