and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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