she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Randomize
