dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
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