What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
i think my cat just said my name.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
