SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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