Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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