I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
